My Unusual (Yet Fun) Valentine's Day!

My Unusual (Yet Fun) Valentine’s Day!
Current mood: sore
Category: Parties and Nightlife


Okay, so let me start by thanking all of you who remembered me this V-Day with cards, texts, emails, phone calls and flowers - you're all very sweet and your thoughts were very much appreciated. Especially since my initial plans were going to be quite simple… the saga begins...

So it was around 10:30pm Valentine's evening. I had already taken my shower and was in my "Felix the Cat" PJ's. I was just getting all snuggly with my two "real" Valentine's boys (yes, Maxi & Dino) and had just started to watch one of my "Soprano" episodes (I was gonna spend a night wit da "Family" - if ya know whud I mean). About 10 mins. into it, my phone rings. It's a friend who I haven't talked to in about a month and a half and he wants me to go out with him and a few other people we know (yes, all single).

After hearing him out, I tell him that, as much as I appreciate his offer, I really didn't feel like going anywhere. Especially to a trendy Hollywood Club (I'm not really into those places to begin with). That's when he added that we'd also be getting into the club's after hours room. Again, I wasn't overly excited.

At that point, he said to me, "Didn't you say you were going to be putting out more in 2008?" My response was, "No, I said I would be putting myself out there more in 2008. There's a bit of a difference!" He didn't necessarily agree so we "agreed to disagree". However, I did say that, so I decided I should go and proceeded to get ready. A girlfriend of mine, who I hadn't seen in a while, was also going so that helped motivate me.

So we get to the club and as we're just about to enter, the bouncer says that we need to have our scorecards and pick up lines ready. I thought this was a joke, but then he handed me a scorecard and proceeded to tell us that they were having a contest for the best pick up lines with cash prizes. The idea was to go up to every person you could and use your pick up line on them. You'd be judged by the line itself and your delivery. Well I remembered a really stupid line and decided to use that (but changed it so that a girl could use it). I'm sure the line sucked but my delivery was definitely good (even if I do say so myself).

Okay, so here goes…. "Would you give me a nickel if I tickle your pickle???"

Yeah… I know it's totally stupid but I couldn't think of anything else to say at 12:15am! I'd been up since… well, 9am... and that doesn't really sound that early but I wasn't planning on going out either so let it go!!! Well to make that part of the story short - I wound up winning $100 for my stupid line. Unfortunately some of those I had used it on thought I meant it and kept trying to get my phone number, so I had to lie and tell them that I had just gotten out of jail for stalking and stabbing my X. I ended the lie with... but really... I'm feeling much better now... ! For the most part it worked.

Next, by 2am, those of us "special enough" were getting ushered to the after hours room. I'm not sure but I think my friend had to have a secret password or special hand shake or something like that. It was all very mysterious and frat-like!

So we get into this room and there are about 50 other people (total) by the time they shut the doors. It was a pretty cozy, yet eclectic place (a combination of a Motown love den and a cowboy bar). There were red lights and silk curtains and black couches with sawdust on the floor - WHAT?!?!?! Oh well, it was different. The one thing I didn't notice right off the bat was the mechanical bull in the back. Apparently they were giving away more money for whoever could ride the bull the longest.

Unbeknownst to me, my friend (feeling I was on a lucky streak due to my earlier winnings) decided to put my name on the mechanical bull list. OMG - REALLY???? I had just started my third drink when I heard a bunch of people yelling my name.

At that point my friends were screaming, "Go show 'em how you ride!". So, I took a huge gulp from my drink and said, "Why not!" I was feeling pretty good at this point and definitely confident in my abilities!

So I get on this bull, the guy shows me where and how to hold on and then says, "Just don't let go or fall off until the bull stops". So I say, "Okay". And that's what I did. It didn't seem all that difficult really - there were a few "whiplash" moments but nothing too serious. So I get off the bull and they say, "Don't leave because you're going to have to ride one more time to see who wins". I say, "Okay."

At this point, out of all the people who rode the bull (about 17) only 4 of us didn't fall off (or didn't fall off until the end) so now we had the final match. This is where they apparently take that sweet little bull that I rode in the beginning and increase his AMPAGE by about 2,000,000 VOLTS! Fortunately, my friend warned me that they might do that so I was somewhat prepared.

We all drew straws to see what order we'd ride in and I was the lucky one (or unlucky one) who got to ride last. One by one, I watched those brave souls get flung and thrown off this now "evil mehcanical bull". And I'm thinking to myself, "What the fuck am I crazy?!?! I use my body to make a living!!! And I'm self-employed - without disability insurance!!!!" OMG!!!

Well regardless of all the sanity that was actually running through my mind, when my name was called, all logic left me and I went up to face my fate. I would not be beaten by this evil bull! (Dr. Seuss version of this part: "I would not be beaten by this evil bull. I could not, would not let him win, this evil bull with legs of tin". Yeah... I know... my brain is very random. But the Dr.'s tell me to go with it or I might implode.) Anyway, my competitive nature kicked into overdrive and I sobered up fast once that guy hit the start button. At first it wasn't too bad (it seems there's a bit of a delay in time as the speed increases). I only had to stay on 2 mins. 43 secs. to win - that doesn't sound that long, right?

As the bull started to buck harder and faster I knew, at that point, that I shouldn't have stayed celibate for so long! However, as I continued to hold on, it was nice to know that I hadn't lost my touch! (I guess it's true - it really is like riding a bike!) However… I digress.

Anyway, I was expecting the guy running the bull to stop it when I had stayed on for 2 mins. 43 secs. however, that was not the case. I started thinking that this was the longest 2 mins. 43 secs. of my life! My legs were starting to get weak and it felt like my head was going to be snapped off my body. I had a horrible vision of my head flying across the room and my face landing right in some nasty guys lap! Why wasn't the damn bull stopping! It had to be at least 3 mins.!!!

What I didn't realize was that he was waiting for me to fall off to see what my record would be (would've been nice if somebody told me that ahead of time!). The bull finally stopped and I had to sit there for a min. while the room stopped moving and while I got my land legs back. When I got off the "now beaten bull", I was awarded the $200 (is that it?! - Really?!?) and was told that I stayed on for over 4 mins. - Wow! Was that really necessary?

So, to summarize, I left the club with $300 extra dollars, had fun with a group of friends I hadn't seen in a long time, got to use a stupid pick up line on people I'd never pick up, got to tell the "stalking the X" lie and see how many guys actually believed I was that psycho, got to ride a bucking bull, woke up with a seriously sore ass and still can hardly move my arm. How sweet is that? It was probably the best Valentine's Day I've had in about 15 years! (Attached or unattached!) Go figure...

So I guess the moral of this story is… Always use stupid pick up lines when talking to people in bars and remember that if you're going to have more than 2 drinks and ride a bull, you may wake up with a sore ass! Words to live by….

Happy V-Day Ya'll! Love... G xxoo

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